textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
