My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
