Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
only if we run a train.
done.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
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I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
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I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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