my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
