she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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