And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
