Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
