im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
