worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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