I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
