2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
