Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
