Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
