I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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