i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
