farters have to be the big spoon...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
