her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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