She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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