guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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