he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
