The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
