We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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