Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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