You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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