i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think I died a long time ago.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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