It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
