wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
