can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
