i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
