question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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