You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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