did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
