complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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