Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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