she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
