I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
