he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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