If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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