I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
