I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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