Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
