Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
