dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
