so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
ttyl tear gas
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I don't deserve a penis
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
