I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
This is the high leading the old right now
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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