the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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