She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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