I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
