can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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