Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
