Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
