i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
