I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
