I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
