i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
