hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
