I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
