Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
