I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
