I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
