she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
