Im at strip club and am horny
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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