On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
