He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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