i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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