Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
