so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
