3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Farmville is her only friend.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
