Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
