her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It's blow job season.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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