chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
