You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
