I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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