Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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